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September Contest: Life & Deliverance by Suzanne Williams

June 1863, New York City

“Cain’t … cain’t b-believe you didn’t … didn’t …” The man hiccupped and the odor of whisky smacked his tablemate in the face. “Die,” he finished. Through bleary, red-rimmed eyes he lifted his glass, draining the contents in one swallow. “I’ll have s-another,” he slurred.

His tablemate nodded and generously refilled his glass. Worthless drunk. But then getting him drunk was the idea.

The man gulped at the golden liquid, dribbling it on his chin, and slid his hand down to his crotch. “L-lice,” he garbled, scratching vigorously. Emptying the glass, he extended it again across the table.

But this time, his tablemate corked the bottle.

“N-now, friennnd,” the man said, the words dragging out interminably. “Y-you promisssed me. You sssaid even trade.”

“Indeed,” his tablemate said in a rumbling voice. “And so where’s my part of the bargain?”

“Yyyour part is upstairs. I gots … gots her all ready for ya.” His eyes filled then with great, salty tears. “She’s … she’s all I got. Speshhhal, she is.”

The tablemate, a burly man in his mid-forties, hardly doubted that, though he’d seen her and she was a pretty thing. Fresh. Pure. Like he liked.

###

Would you read on?

Are you desperate to know what happens next?

Why or why not?

Please leave a comment to let us know how this hooked you or failed to!

10 comments on “September Contest: Life & Deliverance by Suzanne Williams

  1. Dana Pratola
    September 22, 2012

    Yes, I definitely want to know what happens next! Very intriguing ;-D

  2. silly girl (@iluvscoops)
    September 22, 2012

    Honest opinion here,without a background for me to see a reason for it, the drunk dialog is annoying to me. The story you are telling is interesting. Keep in mind, I have a short attention span.

    • SUZANNE D. WILLIAMS
      September 22, 2012

      By reading the rest of the prologue, you’d understand the reason for this scene.

  3. Heather McCorkle
    September 22, 2012

    I would definitely continue reading, it has me hooked!

  4. Great start! You have my vote.

  5. Samantha Fury
    September 28, 2012

    Hey, not my genre. You did a good job with description to well LOL!. I only read romance, so no sorry wouldn’t read on.

    • Suzanne D. Williams
      September 28, 2012

      It is a romance, but this is only the prologue.

      • Samantha Fury
        September 28, 2012

        I have to agree with Mary about the lice guy, yuck. LOL! I’m a happy ever after romance reader. To be very honest I’ve never read a romance with a prologue, I”m sure they are out there, but I don’t recall one.

  6. elkjerkyforthesoul
    September 28, 2012

    If I were going to keep reading, it would be because I cared about what happened to at least one character I have been introduced to. I despise the lice-infested drunk guy, as I’m sure I’m supposed to, but I don’t know anything about the other character. I want to hope he’s a good guy, but he’s encouraging the other one to get drunker, and I don’t know why, so I have one negative and no positives.😦

    • Suzanne D. Williams
      September 28, 2012

      It all becomes plain as you keep reading. Both set up the main character.

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This entry was posted on September 22, 2012 by in September Best Opening Paragraphs.

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